Guilt Self-Assessment

I often feel responsible for the unpleasant situations that occur around me.

Example: You might feel guilty or responsible when the narcissistic person in your life reacts negatively to something. For instance, if they get upset because you didn’t answer their call immediately, you take on the responsibility and feel guilty for causing their anger, even if you were busy with a valid reason. You internalize their unreasonable expectations and blame yourself for the conflict, ruminating on how you could have managed to answer the call to prevent their anger, despite it not being a fair or reasonable expectation.

I blame myself for not being able to change or improve the relationship with the narcissist.

Example: After an argument with the narcissist, you often find yourself reflecting on how you could have behaved differently to avoid the conflict, even when you weren’t the cause. You believe that if you were more understanding or patient, the relationship could be better.

I feel guilty about wanting to distance myself from the narcissist or cutting ties altogether.

Example: The narcissist may have treated you poorly, but you feel guilty for wanting to protect yourself by creating distance or severing ties. You might believe that it’s your duty to stick around and help them change, despite the emotional toll it takes on you.

I frequently find myself apologizing or taking blame even when it’s not my fault.

Example: When interacting with the narcissist, you may notice a tendency to apologize frequently, even when you have done nothing wrong. For instance, the narcissist might lash out at you for a minor issue or something that’s not your fault – like a dinner reservation falling through or their bad mood. Instead of recognizing their unreasonable response, you find yourself apologizing profusely and internalizing the blame, feeling it was your responsibility to prevent the situation that upset them. This is a common behavior adopted as a defense mechanism against the unpredictable wrath of the narcissist.

I feel guilty for not meeting the unrealistic expectations set by the narcissist.

Example: The narcissist may expect you to always be available for them, and you feel guilty when you cannot fulfil this demand because of your own needs or responsibilities. This guilt persists even though you understand their expectation is unreasonable.

I carry a persistent feeling of having done something wrong, even if I can’t point out what it is.

Example: After years of narcissistic abuse, you may constantly feel as though you’re ‘walking on eggshells’, even when the narcissist is not present. For instance, when you’re alone or in a peaceful environment, you might still feel an underlying anxiety or guilt, as if you’ve forgotten something important or done something wrong, even though there’s no logical reason for it.

I feel guilty about having negative feelings or thoughts towards the narcissist.

Example: After an episode of abuse, you might find yourself feeling angry or resentful towards the narcissist. However, you feel guilty for these emotions, believing that you should be more compassionate or understanding, despite their harmful actions.

I struggle with guilt when I prioritize my own needs and well-being.

Example: You might feel guilty for taking time to engage in self-care activities, such as a relaxing bath or a walk in the park, thinking you should be using that time to cater to the needs or demands of the narcissist instead.

I feel a sense of guilt when I stand up for myself or assert my boundaries.

Example: If you tell the narcissist that you need some space or assert any other boundary, you may find yourself feeling guilty for causing potential upset or conflict, even though setting boundaries is healthy and important for your well-being.

I blame myself for the manipulative or abusive behavior of the narcissist.

Example: After incidents of abuse or manipulation, you may find yourself reflecting on how your own actions or behaviors might have “caused” them to act that way. You carry guilt and blame yourself for their harmful behavior, even though it’s entirely their responsibility.