Assertiveness Self-Assessment

I often feel taken advantage of or not valued in my relationships.

Example: Your partner often cancels plans at the last minute without a legitimate reason, leaving you feeling disregarded and unappreciated. Despite this, you find it hard to express your feelings or discuss how their behavior affects you.

I often find it hard to say “no” when asked to do something I don’t want to do.

Example: Your ex-partner, who has been emotionally abusive towards you, asks to meet up for a coffee. You don’t want to, fearing that it could trigger distressing feelings or cause further harm. But the thought of refusing fills you with dread and guilt, making you consider saying yes against your better judgment.

I struggle to express my needs and wants to others.

Example: You’re living with a roommate who constantly plays loud music late into the night. You’re losing sleep, but the idea of voicing your need for quiet during the night feels too confrontational, so you continue to tolerate the situation.

I often keep my feelings to myself, even when I’m upset or uncomfortable.

Example: A friend makes a casual comment about your appearance that actually hurts your feelings. You feel upset and disrespected, but you choose to laugh it off and don’t express how it truly made you feel.

I tend to go along with others’ decisions without voicing my own opinions.

Example: In a group setting, your friends decide on a movie that you’ve seen and didn’t enjoy. Instead of suggesting an alternative, you go along with their choice, even though you’d prefer to watch something else.

I find it difficult to stand up for myself when I feel disrespected or mistreated.

Example: Your boss often gives you tasks late in the day that need to be completed by the next morning. This results in you working late hours and feeling burnt out, yet you find it hard to express your concern about this unfair treatment.

I often feel that I need to apologize for expressing my feelings or opinions.

Example: In a conversation, you share your viewpoint on a matter but it’s met with disagreement. Instead of standing by your opinion, you quickly apologize for having shared it, as if your perspective was something wrong.

I find it hard to ask for what I want or need.

Example: You’re at a family gathering and you’re thirsty, but instead of asking someone to pass the water, you wait, hoping someone will notice your need.

I tend to put others’ needs before my own, even when it’s to my own detriment.

Example: You’ve had a stressful day dealing with the aftermath of an argument with a family member who has narcissistic tendencies. You’ve planned to spend the evening practicing self-care activities like reading a book or taking a long, calming bath. But then, a close friend who’s unaware of your current emotional state calls, sounding upset about their own day. Even though you’re emotionally drained, you push aside your needs and spend hours on the phone offering comfort and advice, leaving you feeling even more drained and with no time left for your own self-care activities.

I struggle with setting boundaries in personal and professional relationships.

Example: Your colleague often dumps their workload on you, claiming to be too busy. You’re unable to say no or to explain that this is not okay, and as a result, you’re overworked and underappreciated.